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Can I Do It? Should I?

Can I Do It? Should I?

I was sitting with a friend, having dinner, when the waitress came by and asked if we needed any drinks. My friend was already one drink into our meal, and she asked for a refill. As the waitress turned to take my drink order, I heard my friend say, “one wont hurt you…”

The words out of my mouth came out so quick, that it was almost that I was so practiced at saying them, and they fell out on their own. The next thing I knew, I had ordered my go-to drink. Months of working so hard to avoid situations came swirling around me like a bad winter storm.

I somehow knew I had to move. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. Thank God. I got into the stall and had a mixture of a cry and scream into my arm.

Then I heard the question in my head. The question came from a 70 something woman I had shared meetings with on occasion. Her share was almost the same words every time, she would start and end with a simple statement and question.

“Hi everybody, my name is Tammy and I am an alcoholic. I am learning that the question is not can I? But should I?”

Those words saved my life tonight. Could I order a drink? Sure could. Could I drink another night away though a few bottles? Sure could. Could I think that I am strong enough to handle whatever drink or drug I want? Been there, done that.

Should I?

No. Not tonight.
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